Wordly Wise

I don’t know why did we meet?
Then chose to be bitter, not sweet

I don’t know why did we start?
Then chose pain over a joyous heart

I don’t know why did we hope?
Then chose to walk on a tightrope

I don’t know why did we pledge?
Then chose to push our luck to the edge

I don’t know why did we care?
Then chose to let our souls dare

I don’t know why did we pray?
Then chose to forever stay away

I don’t know why did we fight?
Then chose darkness instead of light

But I do know why we chose to love
‘cos God chose to bless us from above

© Manoj Khatri

The life I am living
seems so unreal,
feels like an
endless scary toil,
as I fight
my deep-rooted fears,
unable to hold back
my tears
I pray that
my mind adheres
and my heart also hears
my pleas

I fear
that my soul
is being hoodwinked
by my mind
…my mean mind
that is so unkind
It simply delights
in the agony
Though I don’t think
it’s so funny
making me dance
to its tunes
as if I was a bunny

My dream seems now
like a nightmare
As I feel intense
but bare
Never knew
I had to prepare
…to stare
at dark, starless
nights
missing those
lovely fights
we had…at midnights
those highlights
of our love

© Manoj Khatri

Loving you is difficult
Yet it is also most fulfilling
In ways that I cannot explain
It’s chilling as well as thrilling

Understanding you is challenging
But it is also quite stimulating
Your mysterious ways of expressing
Can’t say if you’re leaving…or waiting

Knowing you is absorbing
And it is also utterly sweeping
I’m blissful when I’m with you
Whether we’re laughing…or weeping

Missing you is painful
and terribly, incredibly agonising
Whenever I am away from you
It’s as if the sun just stops rising

But giving to you is easy
Surrendering my heart and soul
Because finding you, my love,
was my life’s only goal

© Manoj Khatri

Where am I going?
Can’t change the past
Can’t foresee the future

How can I prevent?
Can’t hurt you
Can’t avoid hurting you

Why am I restless?
Can’t reach you
Can’t resist you

How may I restrain?
Can’t cry for you
Can’t stop crying for you

What should I do?
Can’t love you
Can’t stop loving you

Tell me…
When will I get you?
Can’t live with you
Can’t live without you

© Manoj Khatri

I express my deepest, most intense feelings through my poetry. More than me writing poems, they get written. What’s more, once feelings are expressed in poems, they are there forever. Since they have been written down, they transcend time.We read so many poems that were written centuries ago by poets who are long dead. Yet, the feelings expressed in those poems are alive. For instance, even today, when I read “Daffodils” by William Wordsworth, I get transported into a different world, living close to nature, and experiencing bliss. What Wordsworth felt when he wrote that poem, I feel today. And so do millions of others who read it. Somehow, poetry captures feelings and freezes them in time. It would not be wrong to say then, that poetry is the immortalisation of feelings.

© Manoj Khatri

I
This silence between us
tears me apart slowly
“Staying away” from you
is killing me wholly

I know our love is sacred
and our feelings are holy
Then why do you suffer?
And why do I feel so lowly?

II
I miss you every moment
and each is never-ending
Though all seems normal
we know we’re pretending

I can hear a gloomy sound
Is it your heart that’s rending
as it craves my sacred love,
while you refuse comprehending?

© Manoj Khatri

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If you’re not the one
by Daniel Bedingfield

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I’m praying you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

A couple of days ago, I picked up this book, for no rhyme or reason, and then finished reading it over the next 48 hours. No matter how absurd it seems, time and again I have discovered that books end up being read only when the time is right.

Although I had a copy for more than a year or so, I kept putting off reading The Zahir by Paulo Coelho because I had heard mixed reactions to it. Some said it was very boring, some said it was good. But no one spoke about it in superlative terms. I should’ve known better. Because when I went by other people’s “high” opinions, and read The Alchemist by the same author, I was disappointed. Yet when I read his Veronica Decides to Die, which no one ever mentioned in the same vein as The Alchemist, I was thrilled. I thought it was a fantastic book and only an extremely sensitive person could’ve written a story like that. The Zahir too has some brilliant moments, some “a-ha!” ideas .

The way Coelho has narrated The Zahir, it appears to be his own real account. The protagonist, the narrator of the story, is a writer whose life and history is pretty much like Coelho’s own.

The Zahir is a good story. I found many flaws in the book— sketchy characters, fluctuating pace, often ambiguous dialogues, narcissism—but in spite of these, I loved it. Set partly in Paris and partly in Kazakhstan, the story is about the complexities of relationships.

The narrator is a writer who writes on spirituality (there is an indirect reference to The Alchemist too) and is expected by the world to have mastered human frailties. Yet, he succumbs to them all the time. I could relate to his humanness, his continuous struggle to be a better person, and his enormous capacity to love.

The character I loved the most is that of Esther, the narrator’s wife, who loves him so much and yet leaves him quite suddenly. I liked her attitude. I liked how she did everything she could to make him what he is…I liked her selflessness and unconditional love. And yet paradoxically, she leaves him because she wants to save her relationship with him—the man she loves so much. She leaves him in search of true happiness. She leaves him to find herself. And as she leaves, she becomes the narrator’s Zahir—an object of obsession. We learn about Esther only from the lens of narrator’s memories, because the story begins after she leaves him.

I don’t agree with many of the narrator’s (Coelho’s?) life values, but I like his candidness, his humility and also at times his arrogance. He comes across as unpretentious, even if a bit stuck-up in his celebrity status.

If you’re looking for a literary masterpiece, skip The Zahir. However, if you’re ready for some serious soul searching about relationships, you’ll find plenty of substance. It’s definitely worth a read.

© Manoj Khatri

A solitary tree
……….romancing a solitary cloud
………………………………………..in the desert
………………………………………..The dry, hot wind
……….is blowing encouraging
them to flirt

As long as
……….they are prepared to brave
………………………………………..the pain and the hurt
………………………………………..The two lovers
……….can rejoice in the sandstorm’s
musical concert

“Love is not love until love’s vulnerable.”
~Theodore Roethke

Prayer Discussion
Roethke is bang on target. I find this true. I sense it. I feel it. When I love, I am completely vulnerable. Willingly. But is vulnerability equal to weakness? A vehement NO! On the contrary vulnerability in love is a sign of courage. We can be willingly vulnerable only when we have faith. And faith is an act of absolute courage. Faith needs tremendous inner conviction. Even as I feel vulnerable and needy, the source of my courage is my love.